Anger is an Energy

from captainawkward.com

from captainawkward.com

Captain Awkward has an excellent post today on “How to train your Rageasaurus”. It’s probably the very first article I’ve read in months which actually makes sense and probably has some of the best advice on handling anger which I’ve read in quite a while.

I had already posted about a psychopathic yoga instructor I had a few years ago. What I did not post about was how deeply angry and hurt the fall-out was to not only me, but many other yoga enthusiasts and students who were also affected by the lies, the literal violence and the betrayal of trust. Afterwards, when talking to other people about it, I’d hear the usual platitudes of “let it go”, “forget about it and move on, you’ll heal faster that way”, “forgive and forget” as if switching off those feelings of rage were as easy as flicking a light switch. In short, the message was “Grin and bear it, forget it ever happened”.

This shit doesn’t work.

This was also compounded by the yoga community’s usual “blow love and light on it” jargon and the complete inability to acknowledge and understand the emotional and psychic implications of that anger. Moreover, no remedies or ways of addressing this sort of thing were offered in case this sort of thing happens again. To put it bluntly, that individual is free to repeat what they did in another town with another name and there are no mechanisms in place to prevent it.

From Captain Awkward:

“This Rageasaurus that you’ve created? It is wearing you out, but it also wants to protect you. The reason that you’re feeling hurt is …because these people lied to you, because they consistently cross your boundaries, because they expect you not to be hurt by their behavior while doing little to make amends, because they behave poorly and unreliably, because they expect you to take on too much of a burden, because these people who are supposed to care for you are making it clear that you have little priority in their shared life. Because they expect you to smile and eat potatoes when they want to play happy , and because you are not in a place where you can do that yet. Because they drain you,. They take an awful lot of your sparkle away, and they don’t give you much back….And your Rageasaurus stands up and roars when this happens. And they are coming from the places where your boundaries are being crossed….In its awkward, clumsy, saurus-y way, your Rageasaurus is standing up for you. When your mother breaks a date, you, the Glue of the Family, accept it. This makes the Rageasaurus roar even more, and you beat it with a big stick, because you think This Is How To Be Good. Then you feel worn out and cowardly. I’d like you to listen to it next time, and accept what it has to say: “No, this is not okay! I don’t like it when people treat you like this! RAWR!”

“You’d better pay attention to moi”

Society tells us that anger is bad. It especially tells women that anger is ugly and unladylike and that we’d be better off squelching those feelings into dust to then sprinkle them on some flowers. There’s no point in getting advice from friends because they pretty much have the same message in store for you. Spiritual books and teachings also are no better. They treat anger like a poison or an imp that you acknowledge but ignore it and it will eventually walk away.

Society tells us we need to act like Holly Hobby when we’re angry….

…when really, we sometimes want to act like Linda Fiorentino in “The Last Seduction”

I disagree completely. Like weeds which show up on your garden, those weeds are signalling mineral and nutritional deficiencies in the soil itself.

Anger, rage and discontent likewise are showing up places where you’re either being disrespected, used or hitting your injustice buttons. There is nothing wrong with anger by itself, it’s just another emotion like happiness or sadness, it’s how you choose to express it which counts. You can channel it into activism, you can set up a foundation, you can take up Thai kick-boxing or you can write a story out of it. But before you get there, you need to see it for what it is, anyone who tells you otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

Here’s former Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten, now John Lydon in his second band PiL, Public image Limited and the song “Rise” which perfectly talks about anger, I think:

They put a hot wire to my head
‘Cos of the things I did and said
And made these feelings go away
Model citizen in every way

Your time has come your second skin, cost so high the gain so low

Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy

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Categories: Pop culture, Raise your EQ, Yoga | 9 Comments

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9 thoughts on “Anger is an Energy

  1. Linda-Sama

    I LOVE this!!

  2. catherineom

    Absolutely, it’s BS to think that you can just bury your anger and be all nicey nicey – just like that! You have to feel it! And yes, it is an energy!

    The best process for dealing with anger I know is part of a spiritual/personal development practice called Inner Bonding, which is completely in keeping with yoga philosophy. In fact, when I did my yoga teacher training I made sense of yoga philosophy in terms of Inner Bonding. Anyway, it’s called The Three Step Anger Process and it’s amazing! Through doing the process, not only do you release your anger in a safe way that isn’t harmful to others, you also truly see how your relationships with others are a reflection of your relationship with yourself. Here’s the main article about it: http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/296/managing-anger-the-inner-bonding-anger-process.html Unfortunately, I think you have to be a paid member of the site to read it, but there are free trials, I think.

  3. Olivia

    Dude. When I was responding to your post on CA, that PiL song was playing in my head. I LOVE that song.

  4. I was just thinking about the same thing today! On a personal perspective, very timely post. Thanks!

  5. kezalu

    I have a filthy temper and my rageasaurus is a frightening creature that frightens even myself. It’s understandable when it happens and it does make you sit up and take notice at how stupid you have been in trying to stick out a relationship or be the one to compromise, and of course something has to give. But it’s what happens with this rage/anger that is important. You don’t want it doing the rounds years later in your system. It is energy but it’s also a bad pill. It brings on ill health and grudges that can become obsessive. Anyone who makes you angry is not worth the waste of energy – they are usually ruining someone else’s life and not paying you any thought – and really, you have to ask yourself who the anger is about. Is it about the person who hurt you or is it about yourself, for not seeing the signs, for trying hard and for putting up with the crap for so long? For me, it’s usually the latter. I get angry with myself for being such a fool and for all those wasted years of being used and taken for granted.

  6. simian

    Very cool post. Thank you

  7. simian

    Reblogged this on simianpress.com.

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