Have any of you ever heard of the clichéd saying: “Treat them mean, keep them keen?
I only came across this very recently and I don’t know about you but this is the equivalent of an ideology for a bona-fide disaster and unfortunately I see way too many people falling for it, both guys and gals, of all orientations. Why? Because for whatever reason, it speaks to the part of some people’s psyche where they need constant approval from the person they’re interested in.
I’m sure you’ve all seen it:
1) The impossibly beautiful girl who can stop traffic with the bat of an eyelash walks around being mean and haughty and expects Prince Charming to crash his Porsche for her sake as a token of how much he likes her…and even then she’s still not happy.
Hint: A person who is that mean and cruel will never be happy, no matter what you do for them.
2) The insanely sexy love hound who has every girl in a 10 km radius at his beck and call who treats women like garbage but the girls lap it up to and somehow determine that with “the love of a good woman” (i.e Hers) she’ll somehow catch him, reform him and show off her Alpha Male to all the women everywhere. Hint: People who are used to being disrespectful, usually have a hard time changing their ways.
I wish someone would explain this to me, but is this sort of dating behavior and courtship “normal” and more socially acceptable in some circles than others? (I apologize in advance because I’ll be using a ton of generalizations and stereotypes here and no offense is intended anywhere.) I’m desperately searching for the article I read it in but I once read a line where insulting each other is a must when it comes to dating on American college campuses and between professionals in East Coast cities in order to “catch” (or trap) the person you want.
I know I’m generalizing and maybe I’m a clumsy bear in this regard but my experience with people who try to pull this with me backfires in the worst possible way. Perhaps being an off-the-scale INTJ-female has something to do with it (we’re rare :)) but when I even detect games of this sort, I naturally bolt. I recall once I had a screechy female boss during a summer job who was a sadistic type, insulting and intimidating her employees to get anything done. When she tried it with me, I giggled. She nearly had a nervous break-down.
I couldn’t understand someone assigning themselves to soo much self-importance for such a small job.
I also recall meeting someone for tea who kept telling me he wasn’t interested in me, I just shrugged my shoulders, smiled, said “OK”, paid my bill and sauntered out. I figure if someone isn’t interested, then why should I be interested in them? He ran out after me and then had the nerve to ask if I was still going to talk to him anymore. Suffice to say, it was an instant turn-off.
I just don’t think real love or real respect has room for this kind of mental, emotional and spiritual immaturity and it baffles me to no end that while everyone claims to be looking for real, true love yet at the same time, they then engage in this kind of behavior. If the right hand and left hand are going in two opposite directions, how the hell can you ever build anything?
Rhetorical question: Isn’t being spiritual, being kinder to one another, being more loving, all that stuff spiritualists, New Agers, conspiracy theorists and yogis usually go on about, isn’t it about being more truthful, more honest with yourself which then leads to a personal transformation and that would (in theory) then lead to a societal and planetary transformation if enough people do it?
See, a part of me is deeply pessimistic when I see that kind of emotional dishonesty running rampant in the world, that our economy, marriages, even friendships are predicated either on self-interest, economic gain, financial security etc. In short, fear.
Another part of me is deeply hopeful because I think the old ways of doing things have their days numbered. The machine is broken and the replacement parts have been discontinued. A new way of relating to one another and and new mindset is in the process of being created and birthed. It’s not completely out yet, but like some days in late winter, there are moments where you feel, even for a second, a foreshadow of spring which is on it’s way. Likewise, there are foreshadowed glimpses of this change in relation to one another.
An artist, who I always felt was a few steps ahead of everyone else, is David Bowie. He has a long history of being on the edge and figuring out trends and defining them before the mainstream even gets it.
Many astrologers have said that Aquarius is the sign of the Androgyn, that the Age of Aquarius will be marked by more androgyny, that there will be a further blurring of the sexes and traditional roles as we speed towards a more level playing field. Bowie’s latest video for “The Stars are Out Tonight” has him (looking fantastic for 66 incidentally) and uber-Androgyn Tilda Swinton playing with the idea of androgyny to the hilt (There’s even a website which postulates that Bowie and Swinton are one and the same person!)
So going back to the idea of a new way of relating to one another. Seriously, you know what’s REALLY hot? I mean the kind of hotness that leaves you weak in your knees, the kind that has your mind wandering into serious X-rated territory when it shouldn’t be there, the kind that causes you to blush at the oddest moments?
Some of that old-fashioned stuff like integrity, loyalty, honesty, kindness and of course a rollicking sense of humor. Think of them along the lines of old-fashioned medicines like Witch Hazel, Cod Liver Oil or Castor Oil. Old fashioned, yes, but by golly, do they ever get the job done and done well 😉