Dwelling on the Fringe and Your Bit Part

“But the Fringe Dweller I speak of are those whose spirit – the very core of their being – is leaving or has left the system. They have detached and projected themselves out of the destiny and evolution of the common man, and the tribal and national folk wave.  These spiritual Fringe Dwellers usually have an alignment to the Universal God, which comes from their own sense of Spirit that is now individualizing away from the tribal wave… Are the Fringe Dwellers just a few mystics, ascetics, or hippy wackos? No way. Millions of people all over the globe have now taken the step. Many are very normal and socially well-adjusted…It’s just that they have detached from the emotional alignment of common concerns and interests…They have no ax to grind or cause to expound. They honestly believe that they are in their last human experience…In questioning them, they all say they don’t want to come back. They know they have finished…Seeing life as energy and looking at themselves they begin to embrace the truth. they move from ego to Spirit. It hurts at first, and there is much to process and to go beyond…If you are a spiritual Fringe Dweller – or if you are becoming one – the first point of reconciliation  is to admit it. You have to understand that you have projected yourself out of this world, so you may never really fit in anywhere.  People will mostly reject your ideas. You may never gain the recognition or acceptance to which your talents may suggest you’re entitled to…Trying to fit in is silly…it burns energy. Wake up to the weirdo within you and don’t apologize for it. Just be it. Love it. Nurture it. Look within it…

Stuart Wilde, describing Fringe Dwellers in “Whispering Winds of Change”

I have never wanted children.
I just never related to it and never once had a hormonal impulse towards having them or felt the need. Even as a kid, I hated playing with dolls and baby prams and preferred being out on my bike, climbing trees and making forts or tree-houses. Exploring the world seemed far more fascinating than pretending to change a dirty diaper.



When you tell people, that as a woman, you don’t want kids most people either think you’re a freak, abnormal child-hater or some selfish monster. No matter how much you try explaining to them that you just don’t *feel* it and that deep down inside, you already know you’re only going to end up resenting those souls, even on a subconscious level, for taking up a large part of your freedom and space for 20 odd years, hinder your mobility and hinder any deeper spiritual work you may be attempting and that it will be a terrible, terrible mistake and deeply unfair to those souls, they always come up with some cockamamie response like “Oh, you’ll change your mind”, “It will be different when its your own” or “Just wait till you meet the right guy.” Or you get condescending faux-sympathy like in this article. What I also find even more insulting is that these commentators seem to think they have a right to express an opinion about what you should be doing with your body and time, like they have a right to it. Yeah, right.

There has been a plethora or articles recently of women citing their specific reasons why they have decided to remain childfree. There has also been an even stronger backlash as to why all women should have children. The reasons are as diverse as humanity itself. Infertility is one. Some people are afraid of becoming bad parents given their own life historySome people are asexual and don’t physically want it. Over-population, being environmentally sensitive are others. I think they are all valid, but very few look at the spiritual reason behind being childfree.

No, it’s not a question of meeting the right guy or anything as simplistic as that. Like Stuie wrote, as well as Dolores Cannon in some of her books, kids are karma and I made the decision that I really don’t want to come back here. Personally, I’m done. That’s not a nihilistic, pessimistic, deathist stance. Rather, it’s really, truly knowing that this world is all illusion and you can either get enmeshed deeper and deeper into the illusion and accumulate “stuff” (and karma and drama)…or see it for what it is and decide to travel light and accumulate having experiences and insights instead, and knowing which option will make you individually happier and at peace in the long run.

A few blog posts ago I briefly discussed Lexigrams. The word THEATRE also has the words EARTH, THREAT, HEART, ETHER and I believe it was the English bard William Shakespeare who once wrote:


It’s about being brutally honest with yourself and knowing which path you need to take, a materialistic one or a spiritual one. One isn’t necessarily better than the other. They both have their pluses and minuses. It’s about figuring out the right one for you. How much are the things you “want” really wants (or needs) which come from a deep, organic, personal place within you or is it a synthetic “want” which was created outside of you (marketing, propaganda, economic, religious, social and cultural indoctrination etc.) and somewhere along the line, you internalized that “want”, but really, it is not yours, it is an implant? It’s just a thought.

We’re all only playing bit parts in a Grand Play. Everyone is putting on an act to some degree. At work. On social media. In their relationships. It’s up to you to wake up to the deeper reality and know when its time to take the mask off. Most people never will and you know exactly who they are. They find solace in clinging to their illusions and comforts and sticking to the script and that’s just their journey. There’s nothing wrong with that. Stuie Wilde would have called these folks, people who follow “tick-tock“.

In Hindu Vedanta literature or in Jainism, they call it the 4 Ages of Man, the 4 Ashramas. It’s about following the path of the householder before coming to a certain age and renouncing the world, being in this world but not of it. Even in India now, you’ll see some Jains, at the age of 75, after making their millions, with MBAs and PhDs from Harvard, shave off all their hair, renounce all their worldly goods, put on a simple white shroud, leave their families forever and wander India as mendicants, living off of alms while they seek Enlightenment.
Jain mendicant nuns wandering India

Jain mendicant nuns wandering India

Some people get excited by astrology, shamanism, UFOs, studying crystals, yoga , Wicca, Bach flowers remedies, whatever, while living in “tick-tock” in trying to be a Fringe Dweller. I don’t see anything wrong with that either as long as its genuine. It’s just an expression of their soul which is looking for something upward and outward to transcend towards. They just don’t know “what” exactly.
Fringe Dwellers are a slightly different bunch. I think most of them were born, knowing that following “The Formula” is not and never will be for them, meaning Go to School + Get a degree+ Make Money+ Get Married+ Buy a car + Buy a House+ Have Kids+ Save for Retirement+ Buy Insurance+ Go on Two Week Vacations to Disney= Happiness. So they look for their happiness and contentment beyond the illusion.

I’ll only add this; fringes or margins are very interesting places. It is only at the margins can you see the big picture with an unobstructed view.  It is precisely when you see the entire view,  you may not necessarily see your soul, but you may just see what your bit part is. And like the song below hints at, you may just see that your bit part is huge as well.
This is an announcement
For the transcendental run
The train now standing
Leaves for higher planes
Due to a derailment
There will be no other train
So why not hop on this one?
Hear the porter’s glad refrain…
The song is in your heart
Your heart is in the song
The song is of the earth
The song is of the sky
You are disintegrating
Into everything around
The worm we dug from higher ground
You have let go of ego
Ego is no longer you
Closer to Nirvana
Since the porter’s whistle blew
– Kundalini Express
Love & Rockets, (D.Jay, D. Ash. K. Haskins)
From the album “Express” (1986)
Categories: Ascension, Raise your EQ, Shift of the Ages effects | Tags: , , , , , | 12 Comments

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12 thoughts on “Dwelling on the Fringe and Your Bit Part

  1. livelongnaturally

    Excellent article for so many reasons!

    As a first wave Indigo in the midst of this 1st wave of Ascension, I can relate to much. Including the childless part.

    However, I postponed it to get myself straight in the head. Then ex husband got his girlfriend pregnant. No pity party. I’ve become better not bitter, more powerful not pitiful.

    I am now a 6 time godmother. I also had custody of 4 grand nieces and nephews (ages 1, 4, 8 & 10) for all of 2008. It’s no secret that many of us childless make better mothers/parents than biological ones. I know the lil one, to this day asks… “WHY did the judge give me back to my mom?” Breaks my heart. Especially since I’ve recently had my visiting rights cut by her mother.

    Anyhow, thanks for your thoughts on shift. I’m quite happy not being normal. Fringe Dweller I am.


    • LLN, I know that kids can have “other mothers” aside from their biological ones. Sometimes the biological one is a person with lots of problems and treats their kids badly and if they are lucky they find a sympathetic “soul mother” like yourself.

      As for myself, my mom passed on when I was 7 and ended up with an evil stepmother, but all that aside, I was very, very lucky that I had other substitute mothers in place to counter that loss. My best friend in the first grade had a remarkable old-school Scottish mother from Ayr who I am still very close to. She took it upon herself to make sure my brother and I were looked after properly, arranged birthday parties for us and that our childhood remained uninterrupted. My first spiritual teacher in Cappadocia, Turkey was a German childfree woman, yet she considered me her spiritual daughter.
      Really, it boils down to what you decide to give of yourself and share with others.

      There are many benefits to being an eccentric Fringe Dweller. Eccentrics usually have longer life-spans as well :-).

  2. “You’ve gotta live on the edge if you want to see the view.”

    It’s very helpful to individual journeys, your gift of piecing it together to show the big picture. You’re kind of like Malcolm Gladwell in that you see connections where most don’t, but you go a step further and explain the meaning behind them. Thank you for sharing.

  3. “I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut, Player Piano

    There are times when I think the Internet and social media tech is nothing but a time-wasting, universally-awful curse. And then there are times, such as today, when I know I got part of the equation wrong because the Internet can be good in that it sometimes offers up much needed gifts at the much needed time. The wisdom that comes from our soul-siblings. The other fringe dwellers in the midst.

    I share your sentiments, almost every single one. I even wrote about the very same topic a year ago: http://tea.empresschic.com/2014/05/getting-on-with-your-life/. One of the few differences between you and I is that I find myself still questioning the choices I’ve made. Unfortunately, the questions keep coming up with an urgency since I’m in an age box where it’s either “do it now” or “forever hold your peace.” Ironically enough, I find this has only come up since moving back to North America. This surprises me since I never encountered such pressure in Europe, Africa, Asia or the Middle East, regions home to many countries that are deeply conservative/traditional and where citizens believe that having children is what you do. Duh. It’s part of the cycle of life.

    I have yet to sort out my thoughts on the matter but my impression is that children are part of the “one-up” process in Canada and the US. People don’t think about whether they should or WANT children but they do it because they have been socialized to think that a family involves a mother, father, and 2-3 kids, AND that it’s part of what makes you an adult. It shows to the world your level of success. It ceases to amaze me the responses I get from women when I state I don’t have kids and it’s unlikely to happen. I seem to morph in their eyes from a woman to some sub-human life form as I’m pulled into discussions where the underlying themes revolve around my inability to: 1) feel/give unconditional love, 2) know what it feels like to run on empty, 3) truly grieve or experience loss 4) be selfless, and 5) have *real* responsibilities.

    Seriously, if I hear “As a mother, I think that…” one more time I might just lose my shit.

    Maybe the issue is that (in US/CAN) people are always determining their worth and measuring progress by looking at what everyone else is doing, and children wind up being part of the equation? I don’t know. What I do know is that it’s a shame that women are pitted against each other on such deeply personal matters.

    • Kids are status symbols now in North America. I think it is a spill-over effect of hyper capitalism and neoliberalism. People treat their kids like some weird pet, clocking in every last minute of free time to hobbies and activities the kid doesn’t even want to do. I mean look at the Soccer Mom phenomena.

      Unfortunately, if you’re an educated woman, a working professional, half-decent looking, and you’re either unattached or childfree, you can practically see the question painted on peoples faces at parties or get-together “What’s wrong with you?” Actress Kim Cattrell gave a fantastic interview a few weeks ago about why she decided to remain childfree but like you, I have to agree, women ARE being pitted against each other on this issue and it certainly doesn’t help when you have right-wing politicians and policy makers also assaulting women’s access to medical services related to their the sexual health and their own bodies.

      FTI, I can only give you a big hug, one Fringe Dweller to another and that I wish you the best in finding as much clarity as possible whether you want to walk down that path or not. And to only be aware that its YOUR path and no one else’s.

  4. soulspeak2013

    Reblogged this on At the Table, On my Plate and commented:
    As an old soul…I long ago knew this was my last round on this wheel…fringe dweller…yes….I embrace myself on the fringe …excellent post…

  5. soulspeak2013

    Thank you for a most beautiful sharing. I have long ago known and accepted my last life on Earth as a most amazing journey…..as a fringe dweller…I am grateful today to read this view…Namaste’

  6. T.K. Eldridge

    I grew up being shown the ‘acceptable’ path but also being told that I could take any path I wanted. My Dad (who would have been 77 today) was very supportive as long as I was happy and safe. Mom has never been able to clearly see too far off the beaten trail – in spite of the fact that she went to work outside the home when women did not DO that sort of thing in the middle class social circles we lived in. (1972 is when she got a job while a mom)

    I started out on the ‘expected’ path. Married. Had a baby. Got a house. Went to church every Sunday. etc…etc. And I died slowly inside. It had a lot of positives that I enjoyed – but anytime I tried to discuss something ‘outside the norm’ it was seen as rebellion or insanity. It was bad..for a lot of people…to try and cram myself back into that box, and eventually, the box exploded and I was freed.

    I never crawled back in the box of expectations again.

    • For some reason, the expectations are much more rigid on women, I think because they are the “gateway” for children coming into this world. As the old rigid expectations start to melt away, I think more and more women and figuring out their own wants and needs and quite often it doesn’t follow the norm.
      That box of expectations doesn’t fit a lot of women anymore.

  7. Funny! I remember not wanting children and for no reason in particular, just NOT interested.

    As a Black woman, men were ultra suspicious. One shared: “There’s something ill about an unused womb.” LOL! “There’s definitely something ‘wrong’ with ‘this’.” As if someone should be told or something should be done. Like What the Hell NYU, What the Hell! yall teaching?

    A relative once said I must be an undercover alcoholic or a whore because neither get pregnant and everybody who can is f*cking. ROTFLMAO 40/60 mostly at the MYTH teller.

    Now that I’ve shared that madness, in 1993, my first pregnancy ended in a loss, the life connection (akin to butterfly flutters) I missed dearly. From that point on, I chased those butterflies. In January 1998, I received completion, her name is Ma’at. My 2nd completion was in May 2004, she is Mecca!

    Wonderful, Wow, Wow, Wonderful Wow! Who knew???

    I no longer chase that feeling and recognize that this is a different season FOR ME, and same as every other, I embrace and say to each his own! PEACE.

  8. I see your points. Along these lines, I think being a ‘fringe dweller’ is yet another state of mind, and as a state of mind, it will be succeeded by another state, which might turn out to be a strong desire to return to maya and this time really get motivated and dig in and be a winner (at whatever). Our egos serve us then and make the games fun by getting ourselves and other folks going, and if we make bad choices and choose the wrong games and our ego punishes us, then ‘the fringe’ starts to look good… but being ‘fringe’ is itself so egoic, i.e. playing (and winning) a game one has identified at a higher level still…. but it requires ‘making creation such as it is and we and our sisters (and brothers) have made it’ somehow wrong.

    This can’t stand. An even bigger look has us back to love and accepting what is arising, so we soon enough become willing to dress in the equipment of the world (including a body, and ego), and we’ll plunge back in, again and again, until we can play at a level where ego doesn’t compel and the challenges seem small….

    Peace be with you.

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