Sorry Shifters for not being writing very much or offering very much on my blog, but the truth of the matter is that I’ve been suffering from burn-out and depression for quite a while now and being focused on recovery doesn’t leave a lot of room for writing and other creative endeavors.
Basically I have been on leave from work since last fall and I don’t see myself going back to the same place ever again, it’s just too stifling and too demeaning. Human beings are not meant to be in boxes and yet much of our work culture forces many of us to be in one and I just couldn’t and can’t do it anymore. Not sure what the next step will be and that’s OK, I think the more clarity I get on my situation and myself, the more likely it will be known, but I’m not there yet. I know I’ll get there eventually. All I know right now is that it has to be something creative and expansive because that’s who I really am. I don’t fit in boxes anymore.
This is going to be a rather more personal blog post than usual so if touchy-feeling stuff is not your thing, it’s cool if you want to turn off.
I don’t know if any of my long time readers picked up on this, but I barely mention my mom on my blog and there is a reason for that. She died when I was 7 from a sudden brain aneurysm at the age of 28. I then had a horrific step-mother come in who basically made life hellish for both my brother and I as we grew up from the ages of 9 through 16. It’s only with the help of therapy have I been able to finally see that she was someone with full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. For those of you who don’t know, the effects of having a maternal figure with NPD
on daughters can be devastating and the damage can be very, very deep
. Unfortunately in my case, it set up a pattern of constantly dealing with narcissists and a complete loss of self-confidence and always settling for less.
The good thing is when a long-term foggy window in your emotional life is finally cleared up, you find a new ability to see people and things squarely for what they are and that spills over into everything. You start seeing the lines people use to try to manipulate you, both in the present and in the past. You start seeing people for who they are, including friends. You start to see what people’s personal agendas are. You begin to see who really cares and unfortunately, who doesn’t, who has been trying to take advantage of you and who hasn’t. It’s like some kind of filter is suddenly gone and you can see and hear clearly. Your ability to discern goes through the roof. The phonies and fakes who before escaped detection because they were very good at hiding the fact, suddenly become beacons of obviousness. It’s not so much that you can see and hear better. I think the clarity comes from the fact that you can *feel* more clearly. Your emotional guidance system becomes much more finely tuned and your nose is better able to sniff out genuineness and authenticity. You can hear and feel when that internal bell goes off.
With that kind of clarity, having major spiritual and psychic breakthroughs becomes that much easier. In all that time since my mother passed on, I never once had a dream with her or felt her presence or anything, it was just an empty silence. I never felt a connection but then a few weeks ago I had a major, vivid dream one night where she finally communicated with me for the first time ever. I’ve felt her presence ever since and she has been spot-on with all the things she told me in the dream to look out for.
Latin America has long been recognized as the birthplace of a genre of literature known as magical realism
. Heavyweight writers like Gabriel Garcia Marquez
(in “100 Years of Solitude”), Isabel Allende
(in “The House of the Spirits”), Laura Esquivel (in “Like Water for Chocolate”
) and Jorge Luis Borges
have all incrementally added to the genre and it’s basically one where the living and the dead talk to one another all the time, past, present and future coexist, the space between dimensions is very thin. Very few people know this but the fountainhead of this movement was a small novella called “Pedro Páramo”
by a little known Mexican writer named Juan Rulfo. There are a few theories floating around as to why it is Latin American literature where this characteristic of the living and dead conversing with each other has popped up regularly and with such concentration but I personally think it’s because of the former Meso-American, Incan, Aztec, Olmec, Toltec and pagan cultures and their psychic influence on the Spanish colonizers, even centuries later.
You can’t tell me a civilization which can build up cities of pyramids like this one, isn’t going to have an effect on people afterwards.
Now we’re moving towards Enlightened Human and the Brave Lion.
It’s not going to be hell fire and brimstone or super-volcanoes and epic floods. It’s going to be a re-calibration, re-adjustment, re-alignment, re-vision and re-calculation of values. Once the values have changed, everything, and I mean everything follows after that. People’s priorities. Jobs. Lifestyles
. Agriculture. Transportation. Diet. City planning. Architecture. Art. Music. Film. Energy use. Our ideas of family and belonging and finding our tribe.
Should be interesting to watch, no?