Posts Tagged With: dating

Short-cutting Reality

I was at an after-work event last night, specifically at an oyster bar, the kind of super-hip Old Montreal joint full of beautiful people who never seem to work but have lots of money, which operates as a supper club,  serves expensive dinners  until 11 pm and then all the tables are cleared and it becomes a super-exclusive hard-to-get-into-club. I don’t normally hang out at these kinds of establishments anymore, unlike in my late teens and early 20s when I was clubbing and hanging out at all-night raves or going to gay bars to listen to alternative and industrial EBM music  like Nitzer Ebb, 808 State and Meat Beat Manifesto and dance the night away with friends. I was only there because I’m actually an Elite reviewer on Yelp! and it was an event I was invited to join. And I love slurping on fresh, briny oysters.
When I eyed the crowd who were populating this place, it was largely middle-aged graying men, executives who work in the local gaming and tech industry and women in their early 20s in super-tight clothing and immobile, plastic cleavages, on a Wednesday night, no less. Pretty obvious what’s happening here. I don’t judge, I just sit back, relax and watch the comedy of manners which is about to take place. I look at it as a transactional, sexual marketplace. People put their goods out in display and other people place their bids, all with the aid of libations and snacks, agreements are reached and off they go. Some bids are too low, some goods are not up to par, it’s basically the same story with different actors. I doubt there’s any love here. I doubt that’s what they even want. There’s no feeling here, it’s just mechanical sex. Maybe one of these girls will end up with a sugar-daddy or one of these men will end up with a young trophy wife. Good for them if that’s what they want and get.
Work it folks!

Work your wallet old boy! Work your ass off lady!

I’ve had this discussion now with several male friends who are in their late 30s and 40s, how their sexual partners these days, usually women in their 20s, how the sex basically feels “plastic” or “fake”. How hardcore porn, and given how ubiquitous it is, has basically made girls feel they have to perform like the girls in porn these days. Everything from anal bleaching, to Brazilian waxes, to clitoral enlargement or reduction, to plastic surgery on their inner labias (and apparently one of *THE* most painful plastic surgeries out there) and breasts just to get the “right look” to begin with. One of these friends told me that sex now feels like a show and that he feels like he’s not with a real person but a “plastic sex doll who knows how to moan properly, acts like there’s an invisible camera in the room which she is performing for and isn’t really paying any attention to me and there’s no real satisfaction in it. All you want to do is get her to leave as quickly as possible once it’s over” (<—- real quote).
How's it going Lady? A fake Chinese sex doll.

How’s it going Lady? A fake life-sized Chinese sex doll.

Personally, I just have to shrug my shoulders. Like I wrote earlier, I think the whole thing is a giant comedy. I think people forget a real connection to another human being oftentimes takes a real investment of time and emotion, if you’re not willing to put it in, don’t expect to get much out of it.
 
It’s just falling into line within a larger pattern in the world where everything is being reduced into a culture of shortcuts. People want satisfying sex on a physical, emotional and physiological level, yet don’t want a relationship or even a friendship for that matter. They want a gourmet meal without the hours of preparation and knowing proper cooking techniques but they just want to pull it out of a microwave or buy it ready-made or have a catering company do their dinner party (as a foodie and someone who loves to cook, where’s the fun in that?).
Make THIS Beef Mac'Cheese. I've actually received random marriage proposals at dinner parties when I've made this in the past.

Make THIS Beef Mac’n Cheese. I’ve actually received random marriage proposals at potluck dinner parties when I’ve made this in the past.

I see this in the workplace too. Kids graduate from university, have zero experience, zero professional acumen, zero life experience or street smarts yet expect to start off at $60 000/year just because that is what they feel they are worth. Unfortunately, it’s exactly these talkers who get into companies who schmooze the HR department and never do a shred of real work and ruin departments with their incompetence while they leap-frog to other opportunities.
Same thing in spirituality. We all know about the Sunday Christian or the Ramadan Muslim, people who act like jerks and idiots during the rest of the week or year, yet when Sunday or Ramadan comes around, suddenly because they showed up in church or they fasted, it’s absolved them of all their previous dumbfuckery. People read a New Age best-seller or two, decide to take up yoga or tarot cards and are now suddenly “spiritual” while they cheat on their spouses or lie to their friends.
 
They want instant wisdom and insight without ever having to go through those (usually painful) life experiences which could have afforded them that wisdom and insight. In short, people want the rewards without having to actually work for it.
Shortcuts and life-hacks are great when you’re trying to figure out a travel itinerary or how to organize your linen closet.  I highly doubt  that the same principles will hold when it comes to your emotional and spiritual (and sexual) reality.
Do your “job”, put the hours in and you’ll eventually get there. I’m not saying that miracles don’t happen like winning the lottery or meeting someone and knowing within 10 minutes that they will play an important part of your life, but generally slow and steady (and genuine, I’d add)  always wins the race.
Categories: Ascension, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, This is why the planet is screwed up | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Love of Swans

One of my bosses is drop-dead gorgeous beautiful.
I mean one of those annoyingly handsome men who looks like he belongs on the cover of some Harlequin Romance novel (for my UK readers, that would be Mills and Boon books).

hrnovel-cover

Salt and pepper hair (more salt), long black eye-lashes which ring around the most ungodly blue-grey eyes I’ve ever seen. Full, lush mouth, a profile which belongs on a Roman coin, an easy smile and the most perfectly shaped hands which look like Michelangelo himself chiseled out of marble. He even has one of those hyper-masculine names which could easily have come out of a soap opera like General Hospital, something like Brock McPherson or Reg Davenport. I can appreciate and observe his beauty, it goes no further than that but I find it amusing to watch how breathless female staff become when he’s around.

Not quite.

Not quite.

Sometimes I have to use his office and work at his desk. I see the pictures he has prominently displayed of his wife, pictures of her dancing while heavily pregnant, pictures of his 2 little boys at soccer practice, pictures of his wife posing provocatively in a bikini, pictures of the two of them smooching on secluded tropical beaches, smooching on ski trips in the Alps, smooching in front of a fireplace. It’s obvious he worships her and that they are deeply and passionately in love with each other and I think that’s just awesome.

Doc's picture's are almost as hot as this one.

Boss’ pictures are almost as hot as this one.

It made me realize, this is what to aim for, the good guy, not the nice guy, (because sometimes in the course of being good, you can’t always be nice) and certainly not the dross and detritus that I see trying to pass themselves off as some sort of “catch”.

Dating nightmares.

Dating nightmares.

Several of my friends have recently come off of using online dating sites and the stories they tell me are either hilarious, flat-out gross or sad. It would seem now there is a whole host of new kinds of statuses, “Single but attached” now means someone who is poly-amorous, “Attached but looking” is basically a married dude who is a swinger looking for no-strings attached sex. All these labels, all these people searching, searching, searching and for what? A new set of pipes and plumbing systems to explore which will somehow lead them through the backdoor into someone’s heart and soul? The involuntary contraction of a few muscles which induces a momentary illusion of happiness? It doesn’t make any sense to me to invest all that time and energy for such a limited thing when there are far too many other fantastic things to explore on this planet.

I watched this documentary on polyamory, and I have to say, they spend ALL their time talking such rot and rubbish that it's enough to induce a headache for the rest of your God-given life

I watched this documentary on polyamory, and I have to say, they spend ALL their time talking such rot and rubbish that it’s enough to induce a headache for the rest of your God-given life

I have noticed that there is a certain trend emerging in dating circles these days. There seems to be a hyper-intellectualization going on of sexuality. Now, what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is their business. If licking eyeballs is your thing or if nostril sex or ear sex is the next step after you’ve explored all other options, all the power to you.  My observation is that for all this novelty,  none of this stuff is making people any happier.

eyeball2

When I look at a person, I don’t just pay attention to what they say and do. I look at the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. When I get talking to some people, I often detect those strong intellects which they then use to justify whatever they do but I don’t detect any authentic emotional happiness or spiritual joy. What I do usually come across is a certain lacking, a sadness, depression and loneliness and the intellectualization of their lifestyle choices to hide the depression and loneliness.

Maybe hipsters are often depressed because every neighborhood they infect with their presence usually results in sky-high rents and overpriced coffee and sandwiches.

Maybe hipsters are often depressed because every neighborhood they infect with their presence usually results in sky-high rents, and overpriced coffee and sandwiches. They should get out of themselves more often.

One of my most prized possessions is a “Thank You” letter I received from one of my all-time heroes Katharine Hepburn. When she turned 90, I had flowers sent to her home in Old Saybrook, Connecticut which I ordered from the florist there and dictated a letter to them which they took over the phone and delivered. She sent her note on her own personal stationary which has her full given name printed across the top “Katharine Houghton Hepburn”. It hangs framed over my desk.

Note my letter but same, exact letterhead

Not my letter but same, exact letterhead

I admire Hepburn because she played the game of her life and Hollywood according to her own rules. After her 27-year relationship with Spencer Tracy ended with his death, she was never with anyone else ever again. In that way, it reminds me of swans who mate for life. There’s a certain, rare kind of dignified beauty in that kind of spiritual depth and emotional maturity, something which I don’t see in online dating ads anywhere these days, that’s for sure.

Swans

Categories: Ascension, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, Shift of the Ages effects, This is why the planet is screwed up | Tags: , , , , , | 3 Comments

This Baby needs to go out with the Bathwater… like yesterday

Have any of you ever heard of the clichéd saying: “Treat them mean, keep them keen?
3168409I only came across this very recently and I don’t know about you but this is the equivalent of an ideology for a bona-fide disaster and unfortunately I see way too many people falling for it, both guys and gals, of all orientations. Why? Because for whatever reason, it speaks to the part of some people’s psyche where they need constant approval from the person they’re interested in.
I’m sure you’ve all seen it:
1) The impossibly beautiful girl who can stop traffic with the bat of an eyelash walks around being mean and haughty and expects Prince Charming to crash his Porsche for her sake as a token of how much he likes her…and even then she’s still not happy.
Hint: A person who is that mean and cruel will never be happy, no matter what you do for them.
Caroline Mumford, the most popular girl in school, in John Hughes 1980's classic teen flick,

Caroline Mulford, the most popular girl in school, in John Hughes 1980’s classic teen flick, “Sixteen Candles”

2) The insanely sexy love hound who has every girl in a 10 km radius at his beck and call who treats women like garbage but the girls lap it up to and somehow determine that with “the love of a good woman” (i.e Hers) she’ll somehow catch him, reform him and show off her Alpha Male to all the women everywhere. Hint: People who are used to being disrespectful, usually have a hard time changing their ways.
Notorious love hound John Mayer

Notorious love hound John Mayer

I wish someone would explain this to me, but is this sort of dating behavior and courtship “normal” and more socially acceptable in some circles than others? (I apologize in advance because I’ll be using a ton of generalizations and stereotypes here and no offense is intended anywhere.) I’m desperately searching for the article I read it in but I once read a line where insulting each other is a must when it comes to dating on American college campuses and between professionals in East Coast cities in order to “catch” (or trap)  the person you want.
Ummm...doesn't work, dude.

Ummm…doesn’t work, dude.

I know I’m generalizing and maybe I’m a clumsy bear in this regard but my experience with people who try to pull this with me backfires in the worst possible way. Perhaps being an off-the-scale  INTJ-female has something to do with it (we’re rare :)) but when I even detect games of this sort, I naturally bolt. I recall once I had a screechy female boss during a summer job who was a sadistic type, insulting and intimidating her employees to get anything done. When she tried it with me, I giggled. She nearly had a nervous break-down.
I couldn’t understand someone assigning themselves to soo much self-importance for such a small job.
Boss from hell from

Boss from hell from “Office Space”

I also recall meeting someone for tea who kept telling me he wasn’t interested in me, I just shrugged my shoulders, smiled, said “OK”, paid my bill and sauntered out. I figure if someone isn’t interested, then why should I be interested in them? He ran out after me and then had the nerve to ask if I was still going to talk to him anymore. Suffice to say, it was an instant turn-off.
2009-08-08-Self-involved-je
I just don’t think real love or real respect has room for this kind of mental, emotional  and spiritual immaturity and it baffles me to no end that while everyone claims to be looking for real, true love yet at the same time, they then engage in this kind of behavior. If the right hand and left hand are going in two opposite directions, how the hell can you ever build anything?
Twisty hands works in Eagle pose in yoga

Twisty hands works in Eagle pose in yoga

Rhetorical question: Isn’t being spiritual, being kinder to one another, being more loving, all that stuff spiritualists, New Agers, conspiracy theorists and yogis usually go on about, isn’t it about being more truthful, more honest with yourself which then leads to a personal transformation and that would (in theory) then lead to a societal and planetary transformation if enough people do it?
482713_467753083297050_761435190_n
See, a part of me is deeply pessimistic when I see that kind of emotional dishonesty running rampant in the world, that our economy, marriages, even friendships are predicated either on self-interest, economic gain, financial security etc. In short, fear.
6a00d8345170ec69e20133f5be50dd970b-800wi
Another part of me is deeply hopeful because I think the old ways of doing things have their days numbered. The machine is broken and the replacement parts have been discontinued. A new way of relating to one another and and new mindset is in the process of being created and birthed. It’s not completely out yet, but like some days in late winter, there are moments where you feel, even for a second, a foreshadow of spring which is on it’s way. Likewise, there are foreshadowed glimpses of this change in relation to one another.
Early signs of spring

Early signs of spring

An artist, who I always felt was a few steps ahead of everyone else, is David Bowie. He has a long history of being on the edge and figuring out trends and defining them before the mainstream even gets it.
Bowie as Ziggy Stardust, at his most androgynous

Bowie as Ziggy Stardust, at his most androgynous

Many astrologers have said that Aquarius is the sign of the Androgyn, that the Age of Aquarius will be marked by more androgyny, that there will be a further blurring of the sexes and traditional roles as we speed towards a more level playing field. Bowie’s latest video for “The Stars are Out Tonight” has him (looking fantastic for 66 incidentally) and uber-Androgyn Tilda Swinton playing with the idea of androgyny to the hilt (There’s even a  website which postulates that Bowie and Swinton are one and the same person!)
So going back to the idea of a new way of relating to one another. Seriously, you know what’s REALLY hot? I mean the kind of hotness that leaves you weak in your knees, the kind that has your mind wandering into serious X-rated territory when it shouldn’t be there, the kind that causes you to blush at the oddest moments?
Blush, blush

Blush, blush

Some of that old-fashioned stuff like integrity, loyalty, honesty, kindness and of course a rollicking sense of humor. Think of them along the lines of old-fashioned medicines like Witch Hazel, Cod Liver Oil or Castor Oil. Old fashioned, yes, but by golly, do they ever get the job done and done well 😉
thayer
Categories: Ascension, Ch-ch-ch-changes, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, Shift of the Ages effects, This is why the planet is screwed up | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.