Posts Tagged With: Depression

Echo from the Past

Sorry Shifters for not being writing very much or offering very much on my blog, but the truth of the matter is that I’ve been suffering from burn-out and depression for quite a while now and being focused on recovery doesn’t leave a lot of room for writing and other creative endeavors.

Basically I have been on leave from work since last fall and I don’t see myself going back to the same place ever again, it’s just too stifling and too demeaning. Human beings are not meant to be in boxes and yet much of our work culture forces many of us to be in one and I just couldn’t and can’t do it anymore. Not sure what the next step will be and that’s OK, I think the more clarity I get on my situation and myself, the more likely it will be known, but I’m not there yet. I know I’ll get there eventually. All I know right now is that it has to be something creative and expansive because that’s who I really am. I don’t fit in boxes anymore.

Nope.

This is going to be a rather more personal blog post than usual so if touchy-feeling stuff is not your thing, it’s cool if you want to turn off.
I don’t know if any of my long time readers picked up on this, but I barely mention my mom on my blog and there is a reason for that. She died when I was 7 from a sudden brain aneurysm at the age of 28. I then had a horrific step-mother come in who basically made life hellish for both my brother and I as we grew up from the ages of 9 through 16. It’s only with the help of therapy have I been able to finally see that she was someone with full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. For those of you who don’t know, the effects of having a maternal figure with NPD on daughters can be devastating and the damage can be very, very deep. Unfortunately in my case, it set up a pattern of constantly dealing with narcissists and a complete loss of self-confidence and always settling for less.
The good thing is when a long-term foggy window in your emotional life is finally cleared up, you find a new ability to see people and things squarely for what they are and that spills over into everything. You start seeing the lines people use to try to manipulate you, both in the present and in the past. You start seeing people for who they are, including friends. You start to see what people’s personal agendas are. You begin to see who really cares and unfortunately, who doesn’t, who has been trying to take advantage of you and who hasn’t. It’s like some kind of filter is suddenly gone and you can see and hear clearly. Your ability to discern goes through the roof. The phonies and fakes who before escaped detection because they were very good at hiding the fact, suddenly become beacons of obviousness. It’s not so much that you can see and hear better. I think the clarity comes from the fact that you can *feel* more clearly. Your emotional guidance system becomes much more finely tuned and your nose is better able to sniff out genuineness and authenticity. You can hear and feel when that internal bell goes off.

With that kind of clarity, having major spiritual and psychic breakthroughs becomes that much easier. In all that time since my mother passed on, I never once had a dream with her or felt her presence or anything, it was just an empty silence. I never felt a connection but then a few weeks ago I had a major, vivid dream one night where she finally communicated with me for the first time ever. I’ve felt her presence ever since and she has been spot-on with all the things she told me in the dream to look out for.

Latin America has long been recognized as the birthplace of a genre of literature known as magical realism. Heavyweight writers like Gabriel Garcia Marquez (in “100 Years of Solitude”), Isabel Allende (in “The House of the Spirits”), Laura Esquivel (in “Like Water for Chocolate”) and Jorge Luis Borges have all incrementally added to the genre and it’s basically one where the living and the dead talk to one another all the time, past, present and future coexist, the space between dimensions is very thin. Very few people know this but the fountainhead of this movement was a small novella called “Pedro Páramo” by a little known Mexican writer named Juan Rulfo. There are a few theories floating around as to why it is Latin American literature  where this characteristic of the living and dead conversing with each other has popped up regularly and with such concentration but I personally think it’s because of the former Meso-American, Incan, Aztec, Olmec, Toltec and pagan cultures and their psychic influence on the Spanish colonizers, even centuries later.

Teotihuacan, Mexico
You can’t tell me a civilization which can build up cities of pyramids like this one, isn’t going to have an effect on people afterwards.

After talking to a psychic friend as well as my astrologer buddy Carl and my own observations and presentiments, there are changes coming. Astrologically it’s the shift of the nodes to the Leo-Aquarius axis, which from what Carl indicates, will happen in May. For the past 2000 odd years we’ve been under the Virgo-Pisces axis. Think about the imagery very closely. Virgo the Virgin (does anyone here know another famous Virgin?). Pisces the Fish, early symbols for Christians to identify themselves were fish since that was what the 12 Apostles were.
Now we’re moving towards Enlightened Human and the Brave Lion.

It’s not going to be hell fire and brimstone or super-volcanoes and epic floods. It’s going to be a re-calibration, re-adjustment, re-alignment, re-vision and re-calculation of values. Once the values have changed, everything, and I mean everything follows after that. People’s priorities. Jobs. Lifestyles. Agriculture. Transportation. Diet. City planning. Architecture. Art. Music. Film. Energy use. Our ideas of family and belonging and finding our tribe.

Should be interesting to watch, no?
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Categories: Ch-ch-ch-changes, Shift of the Ages effects, Those unseen things | Tags: , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Loneliness in a crowded world

My Sunday afternoons are usually very chill. I often listen to CBC Radio while either baking cookies or watering my plants. Today they had a show on online dating  and the whole thing was depressing beyond belief. It was really about how dating has changed with the advent of technology and the new “rules”, the new social faux-pas of the wireless world, the new “normal”.

Online Dating

I know statistically, there are now more marriages coming out of internet relationships but I wish for every success story they post, they would also show up the statistics of how many connections DON’T work out. That would be more honest and would give people a better idea before they shell out cash for membership fees. Now, I’ve done internet dating and my experience has been that most people unfortunately lie about themselves. I don’t mean the small lies like adding 2 inches to your height, but I mean big lies where they post a photo of themselves from 10 years ago and 100 pounds lighter. Or sexually unfulfilled married men looking for a side-dish of fun with no strings-attached. I think that’s why there are now so many online companies which offer background checks and the sort. There are even online dating sites which “out” bad online daters. (I say if you’re going to put yourself out there, you need to stay safe. Just look at that poor woman who met some guy through match.com and narrowly escaped with her life!)

online-dating-fail

Apparently calling someone to ask them if they want to join you for an afternoon tea is not cool anymore. Social decorum now dictates that you have to text them first or use some form of social media and ask that way first. Voice-to-voice contact is considered too “invasive” and not socially acceptable anymore. Herein lies the paradox that I wish someone would explain to me.

Why does something this simple have to suddenly be a big deal?

Why does something this simple have to suddenly be a big deal?

We’re the most connected species ever. Email, wi-fi, social networks. I mean, we’re literally one step down from mental telepathy in terms of staying connected to each other yet poll after poll shows that loneliness and the sense of alienation and isolation are on the rise. It’s not a secret that I dislike the effects rampant capitalism is having on us as individuals and as a society. The increasing sense of isolation many people feel, the atomization of individuals reducing them to single units so that they feel powerless and disconnected from their workplaces and from their communities. I’m almost positive the rates of depression and mental illness are correlated to this. I hate that.

I remember watching “Happy Days” as a kid and seeing the hang-out that everyone used to go to, “Big Al’s”. You’d just show up and a some friend or other was bound to be there, you’d sit yourself down, gossip and then hatch some crazy plan.

Remember this?

Remember this?

Now I walk into a café and they are all virtually silent. Everyone is too busy looking at their laptops. Myself included.

laptop-coffeejpg-00540482b758b143_large

Nowadays…

I think the longing to belong is one of the deepest, most vital needs we have as humans. We’re social creatures after all. It could be the longing to belong to one person, one group, one family. My future husband Renaissance man Henry Rollins said something which sums it up the best,”Why is it we can fuck but can’t look each other in the eye?”

I’m not a Luddite, I’m all for technology as long as we control it instead of it controlling us. I do think however, technology and all these connective gizmos become one more excuse to hide ourselves from each other. Why?

Valentines day is coming up quickly. Hannah Brencher came up with “The World Needs More Love Letters” project in trying to create community and get people off the false reality of cyber-space.

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From their “About” page:

“The world doesn’t need another website. Not another network. Not another app.
What she needs is really basic.
Simple. Bare-boned.& often forgotten in the race to get followers. & “Likes.”
Love. Pure, old-fashioned, never goes out of style Love.
Ridiculous, oozing, cannot pack this thang into 140-characters kind of love.
And so we can come in righttttttt HERE.
We’re going to tell you that we write and mail love letters, handwritten love letters, to strangers in need all over the world. We’re going to invite you to request a love letter for someone in your life who needs one. And we’re going to insist that you step out of your own shoes of Comfort & join us. You are going to think we are a bit crazy. A tad loopy. But you’ve been looking for a website that leaks love all this time… so we aren’t worried you’ll leave us.

It’s not about stamps.
Not about stationery.
It’s. about. your. neighbor.

The cracked parts of your own story & how you can use them to lift someone else. It’s about the stranger enveloped in sadness. The chance to pull off Twitter & step away from your networks to turn your best love letter into a lamp… a lantern… to light the path of someone who needs to read it tonight.”

I’ve signed up for it 🙂

Categories: Ascension, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, This is why the planet is screwed up, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 10 Comments

When The Dark Night of the Soul becomes a week, month, year or decade

I just finished reading Roseanne Harvey’s very honest blog post over at “It’s all Yoga Baby” on her experiences with depression lately and yoga, working or not working as the case may be.

I can relate completely.
I too have suffered from depression, mostly the situational variety (when enough bad things happen to you, that it puts you into a funk). I tried counselling, yoga, acupuncture and fish oils (I’m against meds) which were all short-term fixes but the underlying sense of ennui remains.

We've all had that feeling of not wanting to get out of bed, at some point or other.

We’ve all had that feeling of not wanting to get out of bed, at some point or other.

I do think there is something inherently evil and dehumanizing about capitalistic societies. Chris Hedges, Derrick Jensen and before them, Karl Marx, said it right, that capitalism is a radical philosophy in that it is nothing more than the eventual commodification of all human life and all aspects of the natural world. In order to live in that market economy system, you have to join it and become a part of that machine. That machine has specific rules and even has it’s own language and philosophy.

From Pink Floyd's "The Wall"

From Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”

Like Roseanne, I too am in the midst of over-hauling my CV and the kinds of verbs and adjectives you can use are quite specific. It’s the language of the technocrat, it’s the language of “The Big Sell” and you’re the item up for sale. Only now, they couch it terms, of “marketability” or “adding value”.

A pretty apt description, methinks...

A pretty apt description, methinks…

As bad as job-hunting can be, whether you are currently employed, unemployed or under-employed, as bad as depression can be, whether that it is situational, clinical or chronic, I do think there is another factor at work here underneath the “itchiness” of late which seems to be affecting quite a number of people.

In my posting about the age of gurus being over, I had included this article from Wayne H. Purdin.

From page 32-33 of that article:
Thus, while the planetary energy spike may cause cataclysm, it will also transform our consciousness. The reason why was discovered by Dr. Valerie Hunt, Professor Emeritus of Physiological Sciences at UCLA. Hunt established the relation between electromagnetic field strength and consciousness and behavior in experiments using a shielded room, called the MU Room, in which the levels of electromagnetic energy, magnetism, and particle charges were manipulated. Dr. Hunt placed subjects in the MU Room and removed virtually every trace of electromagnetism. Hunt observed that the interaction between subjects increased. Subjects complained of tiredness, confused thinking, and they began to cry. Their nervous and endocrine systems reacted as though they were in peril. They lost their sense of boundaries, and their sense of body image disappeared. When the electromagnetic field was restored, all returned to normal. When it was increased beyond normal levels, the subjects’ thinking became clear and they reported an expansion in consciousness. (Hunt, 1996)

Get ready folks, because I do think that electromagnetism levels are going to skyrocket sooner than we think.This is just the darkest part of the night before dawn.

Sky9.17.04

No, it’s not the Mayan calendar ending and asteroids hitting us, earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanoes and the Planet Niburu making a surprise appearance. It’s not the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse from the Book of Revelations. It’s not Pee-Wee Herman going back on TV to host a new “Gong Show”.

Heaven forbid...

Heaven forbid…

We’re about to leave the Kali Yuga and I mean that literally. I’m going to leave it to wiser minds than my own to explain this particularly Hermetic astrologer Santos Bonacci. This is probably the best video I’ve seen on the shift of the ages and what 2012 is really about. It’s a long watch, but I promise, it’s worth it.

This article is offered under Creative Commons license. It’s okay to republish it anywhere as long as attribution bio is included and all links remain intact.

Categories: Ascension, Ch-ch-ch-changes, Politico, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, Shift of the Ages effects, Those unseen things, Yoga | Tags: , , , , | 7 Comments

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