Posts Tagged With: love

The New Radicals?

(Note: This post touches on a sensitive and insanely personal topic and I won’t be surprised if I lose some readers. No direct offense is intended in any way, shape or form to any group and for anyone who takes any offense, it is completely unintended so apologies in advance.  This is just intended to be food for thought and discussion.)
This has sort of been buzzing on my mind in recent weeks. XOJane and Salon have recently been putting out articles around asexuals (or “Aces” as they are known as within their own community) and demi-sexuals. One read-through in the comments sections both at the original site and at Facebook and it’s enough to see how vitriolic the reactions have been to these “newly designated” sexual orientations and why it bothers so many people
I think many people often forget that sexuality, like a lot of other things in life,  runs along a spectrum of being and strength and somehow think because they have urges and needs which run, at say 100 degrees, that everyone else automatically has the same urges and needs which also run at 100 degrees when in fact some people run at 5 degrees (and that’s their normal, and would probably veer towards asexuality) while others run at 175 degrees (and that’s *their* normal, and would probably veer towards hyper-sexuality). This could be equally applicable to heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals or transsexuals. Big deal, right?

All sorts of degrees in between.

Surprisingly, what it showed me more than anything else is that
1) There are way too many people in this world who automatically assume that everyone else on Earth want and need the exact same things and to the same degree as they do. Which just isn’t true.
2) For some reason, other people’s sexuality really seems to push people’s personal buttons. I’m talking serious projection of one’s own issues without even knowing anything about that other person.
Just going back to the topic of asexuals and demi-sexuals in general, I think on a spiritual level, there’s something very, very interesting going on here. Like I had written earlier, there’s a spectrum of being. Some Aces simply don’t feel ‘it”. I mean no urges to have sexual relations with anyone but they still want to feel loved by someone and prefer just cuddling , holding hands and talking and feel they can be close to someone by really understanding them on an emotional level. For them that’s true intimacy.
They aren’t traumatized or “damaged”, they don’t hate sex or people who want to have sex. They themselves just don’t feel the want or urge to be sexual.
Some Aces, who are demi-sexual on the other hand do have those urges to be sexual with someone but only under very strict and extremely particular conditions. You can place a picture of the most beautiful woman on Earth or the most handsome man in front of them and there is literally no reaction. Yet, they can only feel sexual if they have a deep emotional or spiritual bond with someone first and foremost. The culture of random sex, one-night stands and Tinder hook-ups just doesn’t work for them even if they tried and wanted to. The body just doesn’t respond to just anyone.
There’s some speculation that people with slight forms of autism and Asperger’s Syndrome seem to be more prone towards asexuality but that’s still on the speculative side of things for now. From a scientific point of view, we just don’t know and like Lady Gaga sings, maybe they’re just born that way and that’s that.
Spiritually, I think it’s a Uranian seed from tomorrow.
Child with progeria.

Child with progeria.

I remember reading Linda Goodman’s book “Star Signs” and in it she talked about the very rare, accelerated-aging disease, namely Progeria. Children who are literally born old and accelerate into old age as they grow up. They usually don’t live a very long time, and like senior citizens have a slew of similar health issues, like heart disease, cancer, liver spots etc.Yet despite their old appearance, they still act like children, full of smiles and innocence and they stay that way until the end of their short lives. In Goodman’s opinion, these are special souls who incarnated to symbolically show us that things like age and time are ultimately illusions, part of the greater illusion of Maya.
Likewise, I think what some asexuals (not all) are symbolically demonstrating is that there is a higher octave of love out there, one not based on physicality at all but rather on pure, true love, sympathy and understanding between connected souls, which in some ways can be deeper, more satisfying and more lasting than any earth-shattering, mind-numbing  orgasm can induce even under the best of conditions.  It’s an idea which can be hard to wrap your head around in a culture and world which is as soaked with instant gratification, random, unfeeling sex and internet pornography as ours is. But it’s still out there and it is possible.
On another note, I think religions and sects which enforce celibacy among their clergy, like the Catholic Church, lost the plot completely. I think in hindsight, had they understood different types of sexuality more, they should have only encouraged and accepted those persons who had very low to non-existent sex drives to begin with who had a true calling for a more contemplative and spiritual life to join their ranks. Instead they did it backwards and enforced something on persons who were incapable of deadening their own sex drives with truly horrific and disastrous results. The pedophile and sex scandals which have rocked various churches over the past 20 years only show that up more than anything else.
Rome made a huge, huge mistake with respect to understanding how the different types of human sexuality work and instead fell under dogma, never mid if it was unsuitable for some people, I think.

The Vatican made a huge, huge mistake with respect to understanding how the different types of human sexuality work and instead fell under dogma, never mid if it was unsuitable for some people.

Now before anyone decides to jump on me, I just want to say and make it very clear that I’m not saying that we all suddenly need to become asexual to understand love or that only Aces understand love and no one else does. All I’m saying is that there seems to be a different way of being which  is finally being explained properly and it might be worth looking at it to see what we can understand from it.
It’s just a thought.
Categories: Ch-ch-ch-changes, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, Shift of the Ages effects, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

The Business of Love

Now, I’m going to tell you about Spencer.

You may think you’ve waited a long time. But let’s face it, so did I.  I was thirty-three.

It seems to me I discovered what “I Love You” really means. It means I put you and your interests and your comfort ahead of my own interests and my own comfort because I love you.

I love you.

What does this mean?

Think. 

We use this expression very carelessly.  

LOVE has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get – only with what you are expecting to give – which is everything. What you will receive in return varies. But it really has no connection with what you give. You give because you love and you cannot help giving. If you are very lucky, you may be loved back. That is delicious but it does not necessarily happen. It really implies total devotion. And total is all-encompassing – the good of you, the bad of you. I am aware that I must include the bad.            

I loved Spencer Tracy.  

He and his interests and his demands came first. This was not easy for me because I was definitely a me me me person. It was a unique feeling that I had for Spencer. I would have done anything for him. My feelings – how can you describe them? – the door between us was always open. There were no reservations of any kind. He didn’t like this or that. I changed this or that. They might have been qualities which I personally valued. It did not matter. I changed them.  Food – we ate what he liked.  We did what he liked.  We lived a life which he liked. This gave me great pleasure. The thought that this was pleasing him. Certainly I had not felt this way with my other beaux. I was looking for them to please me. It is a very different relationship. It’s like a wonderful cocktail party. But it ain’t love….There is an enormous difference between “love” and “like”.  Usually we use the word “love” when we really mean “like”.  I  think that very few people ever mean love. I think that “like” is a much easier relationship. It is based on sense. Love – a blind spot.

“Me: Stories of My Life”, Katharine Hepburn

====================================================

Katharine Hepburn has always been one of my heroes. She played the Hollywood game and beat it down every time, and in doing so, earned the respect of practically everyone there. She also lived her life according to her own rules and never settled or compromised to anyone else’s wishes.

 

KATHARINE HEPBURN IN LOS ANGELES

I read the aforementioned book years ago and this quote, on Hepburn’s relationship to Spencer Tracy always stuck with me as something very insightful and true especially about actually meaning “like” when very often people say “love”.

 Love-vs-like
Now, some people may read the quote and think that’s about female subjugation and being submissive to “The Man”…again, and I would have to respectfully disagree. What Hepburn is saying is that true love is complete exception-making, not out of duty, not out of obligation, not out of guilt, not out of power or need, but rather a very conscious choice, because it makes you deliriously happy to finally get out of yourself and put someone else ahead of you with no expectations whatsoever.  It goes beyond economic and material needs. At that point it, becomes self-actualized love on an emotional and spiritual level.
CAPITALISM KILLS (LOVE)
I think it’s hard for many people in this day and age to get that drift. I’ll be blunt when I say I think capitalism has very nearly destroyed any vestige of selflessness. Relationships, and more specifically marriage, have become transactional where it’s about (and I’m speaking in very generalized terms) economic security and gathering resources for women and children and secured access to sex for men. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.
Therefore men who have the most resources can secure the most desirable women who can give them the most sex and women put themselves through torture to become impossible ideals of beauty to secure a mate who can provide for them (hence the Sugar Daddy phenomena, old balding dudes with comb-overs in a Porsche with a girl who looks like a grand-daughter supermodel) .
Anthony Hopkins playing a sugar daddy, with Lucy Punch in "You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger"

Anthony Hopkins playing a sugar daddy, with Lucy Punch in “You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger”

I personally think that whole ideology is repulsive…and sad… too many people lying to themselves. I think the writer who most brings that message home, in all it’s ugliness to its logical conclusion is French bad boy writer and the scourge of the European literati and intelligentsia, Michel Houellebecq, especially in “The Elementary Particles”.
Michel Houellebecq, one of the most brutally honest , but twisted minds out there.

Michel Houellebecq, one of the most brutally honest , but twisted minds out there.

Houellebecq, not unlike his predecessor,  Louis-Ferdinand Celine, is a highly damaged individual but his vision is crystal clear and terrifying…and brutally honest: if you bring economics and talk from the factory floor, into love and relationships (i.e love takes work), like the market economy, there will be very few winners and many, many losers as well.
This is what makes me chuckle about economists and other social theorists; they always forget about the “wildcard factor”, they always forget about the emotional and spiritual dimension to any of their arguments. And quite often, I think, it’s that emotional and spiritual dimension, which either makes things work splendidly…or fail spectacularly. It’s also the very thing which makes things run smoothly in the long run, that’s where the fuel comes from.
FullTankOfGas
I’ve seen this a few times now, where people I knew got married to partners, who on paper and in theory were “perfect”. Similar educational backgrounds, same cultural references and centers of identification, even looked very similar to one another.
When former supermodel Christie Brinkley married for the third time to architect Peter Cook, everyone thought "Third time's the charm" since they looked so good together. Wrong. Cook cheated on Brinkley with a local teenager and what ensued was one of the messiest, nastiest divorces the normally-jaded Hamptons has seen in years.

When former supermodel Christie Brinkley married for the fourth time to architect Peter Cook, everyone thought  it would finally work since they looked so good together and hung in the same circles. Wrong. Cook cheated on Brinkley with a local teenager and what ensued was one of the messiest, nastiest divorces the normally jaded Hamptons has seen in years.

But after a couple of years, the marriage slides into inertia or the differences, which were once so interesting have now become so unbearable that ending it is the only available option.
WellDUH-99696669708
I might be a Pollyanna but I don’t think love “takes work”. I think it should be as insanely easy as play. I also think, if people were more honest with themselves, they would know right away if it’s really a case of “love” or “like” or “lust”. Love makes you stronger, not weaker. Love makes you happy, not tortured. Love makes you feel secure and at peace, not fearful and paranoid or jealous. Love gives you courage, not doubt. Love opens your eyes wider and makes you want to share your love with others, not hide it selfishly. Love is expansive, not restrictive.
Most of all, love heals, it is a balm.
Rumi-loves-rests-on-no-foundation
Categories: Ascension, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, Shift of the Ages effects, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Love of Swans

One of my bosses is drop-dead gorgeous beautiful.
I mean one of those annoyingly handsome men who looks like he belongs on the cover of some Harlequin Romance novel (for my UK readers, that would be Mills and Boon books).

hrnovel-cover

Salt and pepper hair (more salt), long black eye-lashes which ring around the most ungodly blue-grey eyes I’ve ever seen. Full, lush mouth, a profile which belongs on a Roman coin, an easy smile and the most perfectly shaped hands which look like Michelangelo himself chiseled out of marble. He even has one of those hyper-masculine names which could easily have come out of a soap opera like General Hospital, something like Brock McPherson or Reg Davenport. I can appreciate and observe his beauty, it goes no further than that but I find it amusing to watch how breathless female staff become when he’s around.

Not quite.

Not quite.

Sometimes I have to use his office and work at his desk. I see the pictures he has prominently displayed of his wife, pictures of her dancing while heavily pregnant, pictures of his 2 little boys at soccer practice, pictures of his wife posing provocatively in a bikini, pictures of the two of them smooching on secluded tropical beaches, smooching on ski trips in the Alps, smooching in front of a fireplace. It’s obvious he worships her and that they are deeply and passionately in love with each other and I think that’s just awesome.

Doc's picture's are almost as hot as this one.

Boss’ pictures are almost as hot as this one.

It made me realize, this is what to aim for, the good guy, not the nice guy, (because sometimes in the course of being good, you can’t always be nice) and certainly not the dross and detritus that I see trying to pass themselves off as some sort of “catch”.

Dating nightmares.

Dating nightmares.

Several of my friends have recently come off of using online dating sites and the stories they tell me are either hilarious, flat-out gross or sad. It would seem now there is a whole host of new kinds of statuses, “Single but attached” now means someone who is poly-amorous, “Attached but looking” is basically a married dude who is a swinger looking for no-strings attached sex. All these labels, all these people searching, searching, searching and for what? A new set of pipes and plumbing systems to explore which will somehow lead them through the backdoor into someone’s heart and soul? The involuntary contraction of a few muscles which induces a momentary illusion of happiness? It doesn’t make any sense to me to invest all that time and energy for such a limited thing when there are far too many other fantastic things to explore on this planet.

I watched this documentary on polyamory, and I have to say, they spend ALL their time talking such rot and rubbish that it's enough to induce a headache for the rest of your God-given life

I watched this documentary on polyamory, and I have to say, they spend ALL their time talking such rot and rubbish that it’s enough to induce a headache for the rest of your God-given life

I have noticed that there is a certain trend emerging in dating circles these days. There seems to be a hyper-intellectualization going on of sexuality. Now, what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is their business. If licking eyeballs is your thing or if nostril sex or ear sex is the next step after you’ve explored all other options, all the power to you.  My observation is that for all this novelty,  none of this stuff is making people any happier.

eyeball2

When I look at a person, I don’t just pay attention to what they say and do. I look at the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. When I get talking to some people, I often detect those strong intellects which they then use to justify whatever they do but I don’t detect any authentic emotional happiness or spiritual joy. What I do usually come across is a certain lacking, a sadness, depression and loneliness and the intellectualization of their lifestyle choices to hide the depression and loneliness.

Maybe hipsters are often depressed because every neighborhood they infect with their presence usually results in sky-high rents and overpriced coffee and sandwiches.

Maybe hipsters are often depressed because every neighborhood they infect with their presence usually results in sky-high rents, and overpriced coffee and sandwiches. They should get out of themselves more often.

One of my most prized possessions is a “Thank You” letter I received from one of my all-time heroes Katharine Hepburn. When she turned 90, I had flowers sent to her home in Old Saybrook, Connecticut which I ordered from the florist there and dictated a letter to them which they took over the phone and delivered. She sent her note on her own personal stationary which has her full given name printed across the top “Katharine Houghton Hepburn”. It hangs framed over my desk.

Note my letter but same, exact letterhead

Not my letter but same, exact letterhead

I admire Hepburn because she played the game of her life and Hollywood according to her own rules. After her 27-year relationship with Spencer Tracy ended with his death, she was never with anyone else ever again. In that way, it reminds me of swans who mate for life. There’s a certain, rare kind of dignified beauty in that kind of spiritual depth and emotional maturity, something which I don’t see in online dating ads anywhere these days, that’s for sure.

Swans

Categories: Ascension, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, Shift of the Ages effects, This is why the planet is screwed up | Tags: , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Power of Touch and the Touch of Power

6a00d83455bea369e200e54f0a33718833-640wi

The recent news about hot yoga shyster Bikram Choudhury being accused of rape has been generating a lot of discussion online and off about the whole nature of power within the context of guru/student dynamics as well as male/female dynamics.

femme_800

It got me thinking about the most primary of relationships which we all experience, that we have with the opposite sex (I don’t mean to exclude transgendered persons from this discussion, I’m just writing out of my own experience so apologies in advance if anyone may take offence). In my case, it’s not really about Dad, or brother or uncle or Grandpa. It’s mostly the kind when sexual dynamics and chemistry come into play.
George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones definitely had serious chemistry going on in "Intolerable Cruelty"

George Clooney and Catherine Zeta-Jones definitely had serious chemistry going on in “Intolerable Cruelty”

 I’m writing this from the perspective of a heterosexual female, so bear with me a second for anyone who does not belong to that same group. Call me sensitive but there is a major difference in the way a man touches you which, if you’re alert can tell you almost everything you need to know about him and what he wants out of you, what he really feels about you, what he really thinks about you. It’s hard to describe but a whole host of elements come into play when a man touches you, how quickly he tries to touch you and where, how much pressure he exerts when he does touch you, how lightly, how fervently, how calmly, how warmly, how suddenly, how hard or how soft. Maybe I’m some kind of freak but I’ve been able to read exactly what was going on just by the way a guy touched me. It doesn’t even have to be in a romantic context like in a kiss or embrace. It could be even in a handshake or the way he hands me half his sandwich.
Sometimes less is a lot more...

Sometimes less is a lot more…

 I remember meeting with someone, we had not seen each other in a few years and we went out for dinner a few times to catch up, the chemistry was still there but long story short, nothing would ever come of it. I remember saying goodbye to him and he suddenly grabbed my shoulder. It was too abrupt, too sudden and he was digging into my skin too hard. I did not detect any softness, any patience in that touch. I wiggled myself out of his grip but then I realized all too clearly that I was nothing but a diversion for him. I also picked up almost instantaneously that if we were to become lovers, he would be a very selfish one. That’s when I lost all interest and realized it was a dead-end. I have since heard that he cheats on his wife regularly now. It doesn’t surprise me in the least.
Man-touching-womans-shoul-001
I remember another time when someone else lightly kissed my forehead. In that second, I could have been knocked over by a feather. It wasn’t just chemistry but there was a gentle sincerity and respect there which in itself is insanely attractive. Things didn’t work out, we were and are too different and have different dreams but I have nothing but good things to say about him, he’s a really good guy and I’m sure he’ll make the right girl very, very happy one day.
Now in the context of yoga, some of the yoga asanas can be sexual.
You’re spread out wide open, legs open, legs in the air
Happy Baby Pose
You’re open.
Wide legged forward bend

Wide legged forward bend

You’re vulnerable.
Yoganidrasna pose

Yoganidrasna pose

A good instructor’s touch is hardly felt, they’ll usually always ask for permission to adjust you properly, they respect your boundaries and in this case your boundaries involve your own body. A bad instructor will not respect your boundaries and in the case of the more lecherous instructors I’ve observed, will be all over girls while “adjusting”. All it takes is a few classes and you’ll pick up what’s going on if you’re alert.
Yoga instructor in film "Couple's retreat" - a bad example of adjusting.

Yoga instructor in film “Couple’s retreat” – a bad example of adjusting.

 Now, I don’t want to make the victims of shady gurus and shady yoga instructors out to be in the wrong, and say that they should have known better and walked away earlier and bypassed the abuse. That’s like saying that women who are victims of domestic violence should have known better before getting involved with such-and-such jerk. But the promises of romantic love and fulfillment can often be as alluring as the promises of spiritual gifts and abilities and in that respect, they may not be all that different from each other.
choices2-300x280
Some gurus promise initiation or revelations of spiritual secrets and abilities if “you just listen to everything I say and do as I say.” For someone who doesn’t know any better, the glamour of spiritual specialness or of attaining what Alan Watts called “psychic technologies” (i.e bilocation, telekinesis, Enlightenment, levitation, mind-reading etc.) is too irresistable an offer to pass up.
Real spiritual initiation usually involves handing down teachings after years of study or being a student. It should NOT make you feel uncomfortable, or cornered.

Real spiritual initiation usually involves handing down teachings after years of study or being a student. It should NOT make you feel uncomfortable, or cornered.

Likewise some potential romantic partners may allure you with dreams of butterflies in your stomach, a  few sessions of hot, sweaty, toe-curling sex, maybe even happily ever after just as long as you follow what I call “The Script”. The Script can change from year to year, maybe it might mean sex on the first date but no later than the third. It might mean observing the highly changeable rites of courtship and following the ground rules which society at large has decided on. It might mean following the advice as featured in this month’s issue of Cosmopolitan or Details magazine.
I hate this magazine.

I hate this magazine.

Both prey on the fears and on what’s lacking in one’s life and that if this one thing is not lacking anymore, we will be happy. I personally think it’s even more basic than that, it’s really about Power. That by attaining these things, we become more powerful and in control and here I have to agree with Watts completely, that power in that sense is really not something you want, especially the kind of power which involves controlling other people. When we can control other people, we basically want them to be like wooden dolls in a scenario or dream of our choosing. What makes life interesting is that wildcard factor, when we let go of that control and let things happen as they may. When people talk back to us, when last-minute changes happen.
Being in power over ourselves is OK.
Being in power over others is not.
Categories: Ascension, False prophits, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, This is why the planet is screwed up, Yoga | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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