Posts Tagged With: self respect

The Speedy are often Needy


(Note: NSFW links included below)

I’ve been watching the hit HBO show “Girls” and cannot get over how thoroughly disagreeable the characters in the show really are. Narcissistic, self-involved, entitled and shallow beyond belief, the show follows the trials and tribulations of a group of four young, 20-something girls right after college graduation in a post-economic recovery New York City (specifically Brooklyn) as they try getting their foot in the door of life, professionally, socially and romantically.

promo, through HBO canada.

The “Girls”: (left to right) Marnie, Jessa, Hannah and Shoshanna

Think of it as a poor-man’s “Sex and the City” with less-attractive guys and realistic clothes and much-less emotionally mature girls. The show has been gaining accolades for it’s “realistic depiction” of the lives of girls in this specific demographic group but also for the frequency which homely looking, obsessive-compulsive lead character Hannah (played by Lena Dunham, who also created, produces, directs and writes for the show) strips down completely and shows off her Rubenesque figure. Which is often. There’s also the more raw sex scenes and frank discussions of sexual play between the girls and boys. (For the record, I don’t think the nudity is the big deal here, in fact I applaud it because Hanna/Lena’s body is NOT a conventional Hollywood body but one which more women can relate to and accept and the public backlash from men in particular is exactly why there needs to be more of this kind body-acceptance instead of the constant showing of body-types most women can never relate to or have. My gripe is how horrible these personalities are.)

Lena Dunham

Lena Dunham

 I admit, it is a tad addictive to watch, much like a train-wreck.  You want to look away but you just can’t. However, more than once I’ve thrown up my hands in the air in frustration and thought  “That’s just never going to happen in real life.” In one episode Hannah randomly hooks up with an Adonis-like recently separated doctor (played by the Adonis-like Patrick Wilson, in season 2 episode 5). I mean she literally walks into his amazing and perfectly decorated brownstone and ends up spending a whole dirty weekend with him.
This never happens in real life. Like, ever.

Hannah and the doctor. This never happens in real life. Like, ever.

What really gets me is how random the sex is. I mean the girls in some cases don’t even exchange more than 20 words with the guy and suddenly they’re at it. They then complain afterwards when the guys don’t treat them like precious fine-bone china-dolls afterwards.
Now, I’m not an adamant feminist but I do think there is a direct correlation between how much people respect you to how much you respect yourself. The more you respect yourself, the more people will respect you and that can take many, many forms. I mean hardly anyone these days, talks about respect in a serious and meaningful way anymore (outside of customer service) . What dawns on anyone after watching the show is just how empty and emotionally confused and vapid these girls and boys really are. That somehow by having as many sexual conquests as possible, that will increase your own sense of desirability and *that* will somehow fulfill you and make people respect you and like you….and unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.
I remember a few years ago, shock-jock radio personality Howard Stern  interviewed  Sweet Connie Hamzy, a notorious rock groupie who has been involved with just about anyone and everyone. She had been recounting her various escapades and with whom and honestly….it just sounded sad and tragic. It didn’t sound empowering or strong or happy even though that’s how she was trying desperately to come across as.
Sweet Connie Hamzy

Sweet Connie Hamzy

 After watching “Girls”, you also come away realizing how completely needy these women are. It reminds me of something a friend of mine once said, that the speedy are often needy. People who move in fast for the kill are often extremely needy and clingy and I’ve seen it over and over again in  relationship horror stories involving friends and their partners.
I mean, like a gourmet meal, the best things in life take time to build. If something is truly yours, you can never truly lose it and if you are afraid of losing it by being too fast, that’s the sign right there it’s not really yours to have in the first place, no?
Categories: Ascension, Pop culture, Raise your EQ, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Consider Rejection to be the Kiss of Freedom

An apt representation of highly insecure men in marriage.

An apt representation of highly insecure men in marriage.

Did you ever have those conversations with someone which suddenly makes you look at something under a totally new light?
I was talking to a friend this past week who’s been married 20 years to her high-school sweetheart and the past 4 years have been rocky but there’s a kid involved as well as investments so she compromised and gets by…barely. She was describing something which I have also noticed and heard about in other relationships, how her partner doesn’t like it if she’s out of the house for too long, if she wants a few days to herself, he causes a stink. Or even if she wants to spend the afternoon with a girlfriend at a coffee shop, how he starts calling or texting her within an hour wanting to know when she’s coming home. How he basically, literally just wants her physically in the house all the time or when he’s there.

Um...why do men get scared by something as simple as this?

Um…why do men get scared by something as simple as this?

This blew my mind. Both are highly educated professionals yet dude is still acting like a caveman in terms of her personal time and space? Why are men still hung up on this sort of power-trip? Moreover why do men use their partners like some sort of security blanket like Linus in the Peanuts gang did?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

She then told me to cherish my freedom, develop my other interests and to never rush into anything and how she wished she had waited longer before getting seriously involved with someone and that marriage before the age of 30 should be outlawed.

I want to learn how to take old unwanted industrial items like pallets and repurpose them into practical, beautiful things. From

I want to learn how to take old unwanted industrial items like pallets and repurpose them into practical, beautiful things. From

I thought long and hard after our exchange mostly because the timing of it coincided with my elderly father, a widower, taking a nasty fall this week at a subway station. Luckily a very kind nurse who was on her way home, saw what happened and helped him stay propped up and immediately called the ambulance and then called my brother and I using his cell phone. He’s fine now but it got me thinking about who would have been there to fill in the important details to the doctors and stay with him in the hospital if he didn’t marry and have children and take the time to build those relationships. How do you weigh building community and meaningful relationships while not disrespecting and dishonoring your own freedom? Is that even possible within the context of a marriage anymore?

Having said that, FaceBook, YouTube, Twitter and Google have got the be the best things ever to hit regret.
I guess like all girls out there, you’re always curious about some people in your past, wondering what happened to them, old boyfriends, girls who were mean to you in high school, your best friend from the second grade. Now it’s easy as pie to look up anyone on the face of this Earth. I come from probably the last generation of teens and young adults to have experienced the world before the Internet and social media. In fact, I used to write letters by hand and send greeting cards in the mail (remember those?).

Back in the day...

Back in the day…

I came across a YouTube clip of an old boyfriend, probably my first serious one. I remember being devastated when it ended, how the sky was falling, how I wasn’t hungry and barely ate for weeks, listening to silly love songs over and over again on my Sony Walkman, how I didn’t think I would ever meet anyone or love anyone as beautiful as he was. All the usual high-drama stuff we put ourselves through especially at the ripe old age of 18.

Been there, done that. Bought the stupid T-shirt too.

Been there, done that. Bought the stupid T-shirt too. It doesn’t fit anymore.

Well, he looked awful.
Long-gone was the stunning, lean, mean rockabilly badboy with the black hair, flashing green eyes and diabolical smile. Instead, there was some guy with the beginnings of a double-chin, a major gut, ugly tattoos all over his forearms, and from what I understand, is now the father of five. I also saw a whole bunch of irritating mannerisms which my 18 year old brain failed to pick up at the time which now I see as fairly obvious. I felt happy to be free.

Yeah, I wish. But no.

Yeah, I wish. But no.

This then led to a John-Cusack-in-“High-Fidelity”-moment where I decided to check up on every guy I ever crushed on or lusted after, out of curiosity. (I have to admit, I’m not a nostalgic person about past relationships. If it’s gone, it’s gone and deader than a doorknob. However, I can be an incorrigible and inquisitive snoop and gatherer of gossip just for the fun of it.)

High Fidelity

I won’t give a low-down of every single bit of information I found but suffice to say I really think I have been spared in some way. Most are slightly overweight suburban dads with bloated faces and beer guts. Half are now bald or with rapidly receding hairlines. One is a very well-known documentary film maker who is still alone at the age of 58, the eternal bachelor. One battled alcoholism and it really shows. I guess the married ones must be happy or else why would they stay married? But given what my friend said, and the many similar relationships I’ve noticed over the years, you really have to wonder who is the happy one here, the guy or the gal?

How I feel now.

How I feel now.

I used to think rejection was some kind of judgement against me. Now I’m beginning to see that when things don’t work out, consider it a slight shove from the Universe in pushing you out of the way of an oncoming train wreck, that it wants you to wait and is giving you the gift of time to develop other gifts as well as your own ability to discern with maturity. We don’t always hear that message in a youth and speed-obsessed culture like ours but it’s one, I think, we’d all be better off heeding.

Here’s a lyric from New Order’s song, “Regret”  which sort of encapsulates what I mean. (MRB, this one is for you)

Maybe I’ve forgotten the name and the address
Of everyone I’ve ever known
It’s nothing I regret
Save it for another day
It’s the school exam and the kids have run away

I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day that would be a start
I would not complain of my wounded heart

I was upset you see
Almost all the time
You used to be a stranger
Now you are mine

Categories: Ascension, Ch-ch-ch-changes, Pop culture, Raise your EQ | Tags: , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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